One three-panel comic. How far can I take the puns. In script for for no very good reason.
INT. ROOM – NIGHT
TONY lies on the sofa flipping a coin and trying to catch it on his nose. FRANK enters with a harassed expression.
FRANK
Dave’s been knifed!
TONY leaps up, throws the coin through the window and kicks the cat at the fridge.
TONY
Knifed?! That’s forking terrible!
FRANK stares in disbelief.
TONY
[looking concerned]
What, too spoon?
FRANK shakes his head as if to say “what the fuck is wrong with you”.
FRANK
What the fuck is wrong with you?
TONY
Well, what happened? Did they mug him?
FRANK strides away, and launches into the story]
FRANK
Yeah, they just… Wait.
He stops and turns around. TONY’s grinning like a cunt.
FRANK
That was another pun, wasn’t it.
TONY’s smile instantly disappears and he looks concerned.
TONY
No, I just…
[He tails off and sighs in exasperation]
Look, did you call the cups?
FRANK
[starting to lose it]
I’m serious! They almost got me, too!
TONY
Well, were you mugged? You know I always told him you you should just wok away.
FRANK
Do you want me to fucking punch you?
TONY
That’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
FRANK
He’s dead, Tony!
TONY
Oh. Shit! Well…I guess I’ll mark the day on my colander.
FRANK
For fuck’s sake, man-
TONY
Sorry, I’m just…
[he searches for the word]
…bowled over, you know. It’s not a pretty pitcher.
FRANK
Fuck you.
[He storms out]
TONY
Ladle.